dark days and darker days

I love the words Holland speaks here about Jesus and his love versus our trials:

When we stagger or stumble, He is there to steady and strengthen us. In the end He is there to save us, and for all this He gave His life. However dim our days may seem, they have been a lot darker for the Savior of the world. As a reminder of those days, Jesus has chosen, even in a resurrected, otherwise perfected body, to retain for the benefit of His disciples the wounds in His hands and in His feet and in His side—signs, if you will, that painful things happen even to the pure and the perfect; signs, if you will, that pain in this world is not evidence that God doesn’t love you; signs, if you will, that problems pass and happiness can be ours. Remind others that it is the wounded Christ who is the Captain of our souls, He who yet bears the scars of our forgiveness, the lesions of His love and humility, the torn flesh of obedience and sacrifice.

"...and with his stripes we are healed” (Isa. 53:3, 5).

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getting to and through YEAR ONE

Hello? Oh, Hello there! I am excited to talk more about my summer as I enjoy the last few days before I dive into studying hard. It is almost the beginning of the second year of medical school. Last year was one of the hardest years of my life. I experienced more pain, suffering, doubt, tears, and heartache than I have ever before in such large doses. I staggered under the weight of my fears and found myself often on my knees with no where else to turn. It was a beautiful place to find myself. Of course it is easy to say that now, looking back as I stand proud. There was a lot that went into my decision to go to medical school. Ultimately it took a lot of prayer and a lot of planning. It took a lot of service hours, a lot of hard work in my undergrad, a lot of conversations with my mother. It was a grueling process which no one can understand until you've been through it. I often doubted I was making the right choice. As I was preparing for the MCAT, which is the entr...

Fear as a now third year medical student

It would not be a trial of our faith if our faith was not actually tried. Trials are essential, obviously, but how much of a trial can it really be if all the time we feel His guiding hand and Comforting presence? Can those really be considered trials? Today I am officially a third year medical student. Reflecting over the last two years, I want to take a moment to write down my thoughts. As a missionary, when the Spirit said I would be going to medical school it was a huge relief. I had struggled up to that point to really know what to do with my life. I knew I wanted a good career, a steady paycheck, a job that I loved. I knew I wanted to work outside the home, make a difference, help people. But I didn’t know exactly what that looked like for me until that moment in Virginia. And when I got home and got to work researching and then putting into action all that would be required to be accepted into a medical school in the US I had multiple moments of doubt. Heavy doubt. But I p...

I woke up this morning and after getting some breakfast I stepped out into the dim light of predawn and stood barefoot in the grass. I felt the dew on my feet and the soft cool morning air on my face and hands. I listened but the birds were still asleep. Taking a pair of scissors, I cut a bloom from the rose bush outside my back door. Life is messy. And sometimes unkind. It is confusing, painful and discouraging. But an amazing thing happens when we decide to take it just one day at a time. It is a lesson I have to learn over and over. Sort of like Charity or Humility or Optimism. I have decided to have faith over fear. To trust that although I can't know what will happen, that a perfect Being who loves me does. And trusting in that is more important to me than knowing. So while it is difficult, and some would say perhaps a cop out for dealing with life, I choose to trust that God cares enough about me to have my best interests at heart. And if He has decided to not share...

Thoughts from ME

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