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The freeing power of choice

An experience.

I'm a teacher's assistant and part of my job is holding the open labs for students in neurobiology to come study neuroanatomy. I'm in charge of Tuesday nights. It was the week of Thanksgiving and my school doesn't hold classes on Wednesday so many students had already left for the holiday. I didn't want to hold the open lab and even considered not holding it. I'm so glad I did.

One student came. Just one. He studied for fifteen minutes before we began to talk. I asked him a simple question that led to what I sincerely hope will be one of the most influential moments of my college career.

This kid is young. Just started college. He doesn't know what he's doing yet. He probably isn't comfortable living on his own, making his own choices, making his own dinner even. But he is old enough to be a missionary. So I asked him whether he was planning on serving a mission for our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He was honest with me and said he didn't think so. What followed was an intense conversation neither of us expected to have on a cold, random night at an open lab for neuroanatomy over his pages of the spinal cord and coloring pencils.

He told me he wasn't sure he knew the gospel well enough to go. He didn't want to persuade people. He wasn't sure it was right to teach people in a way that they might change their lives and accept the church when he wasn't sure it would be the best thing for them. He didn't want to go on a mission because everyone expected him to go.

Around this time five years ago I was taking out my endowments (going through our church's temple) and preparing to serve my own mission. It has most definitely felt like it's been five years. It was a hard decision, a hard experience, and a hard time of my life. But I will always be grateful I served a mission. I returned home three years and seven months ago and there still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my time in Virginia.

I talked to this kid about my experience meeting amazing people, emphasizing that some of the most Christian people I met as a missionary weren't of our faith at all. But they lived what they believed and that was the gospel of Christ - as they understood it. People know some truths. They often have a relationship with Christ. I wanted to serve a mission to help people develop a relationship with the Savior and it took some serious searching to figure out what I was doing once I got to a place where many people already had that. "Then why am I out here?" I wondered. I studied. I pondered.

Ultimately what I discovered is while people are good and wonderful and might even know Christ, there is always more they can have. And our faith alone teaches those things. Like the true relationship between the Godhead, the reality of the Gift of the Holy Ghost, the power to be sealed as families for all of eternity, the reality of life after death, to name some.

As I told these things to this young man, I saw his countenance change. I visibly saw a change in him. His heart was softened. I told him only he could decide why he needed to serve a mission. Only he could decide what aspect of the gospel he felt qualified to testify of. Only he would determine if he wanted to live the rest of his life as a returned missionary, or live in such a way to learn those lessons over a longer course of time as a member of the Church who had not served a mission but was still honestly good and worthy. I told him that once he could truly see that the choice to go was still his, that it would be a freeing reality. (This is applicable to you too you know. Those choices others want you to make or you feel obligated to make? They are still yours and that reality is freeing.)

We sat in stillness for a time before he quietly said, "I have never felt like I should serve a mission as much as I do right now." There were tears in his eyes.

As we packed our things I looked at him and I saw him.

I saw him as a son of an eternal, living God.
I saw him as a being with infinite worth.
I saw him as this young man with great potential.
I saw him as a person worth dying for.
I saw him and it made me want to weep.

And I thought about how Christ sees us like that every day. How Christ being able to see us like that led him to die for us. I realized more fully in that moment than ever before in my life that God wants us home in Heaven because we are heavenly at our core and heavenly things ought to return to those places that are heavenly and be with people who are heavenly.

The truth is, that the choice is ours. God knows this. And if you look close enough, you'll see I'm right. I'm so right. Freeing, isn't it? To realize the deciding factor is you?

I learned this for myself recently. I got into medical school. And I wasn't sure I wanted to go. And that was really confusing. Hadn't I been working for this? Paying for this? Weeping for this? for ages? So why then once it was in my grasp did I even contemplate not going?

Because I felt I had to. There is something so human about not wanting to do something because it's expected of us. It's an eternal principle really. You can see it in the gospel and you can definitely see it in yourself. God knows we operate like this. He made us. We are created in his image which leads me to believe that HE IS LIKE THIS! He provided a way for me to learn that the choice was still mine. I felt obligated exactly because I had worked, payed, wept for it. But the choice was still mine. And once I realized it was mine to choose I felt free to choose and so I chose it again for myself. 

I think you'd agree with me when I declare I'd rather have the peace of Christ than the turmoil I sort of end up creating for myself.

Christ taught, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)





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