Cool Blue of Morning

I love the cool blue of early morning. When you know many of those around you are still asleep and you open your blinds. That soft cool blue spills into the room bringing with it the idea of a calm morning, expectations, possibilities.

In the early morning I feel the most peace. That is why I like getting up at obscene hours. My Spotify says “good evening Melissa” even though I have woken for the day.

The hope I feel in the mornings for how the day will go is a stabilizing factor in my life. I believe we all need to recognize these and hold on to them. Life is a fast paced, too full, sometimes heartbreaking adventure filled with the ups and downs that we never could map out even if we tried. And yet we make it through every day. And there is something miraculous in that - in the tenacity of our willingness to start the day anew despite difficulties that arose the day before.

My step dad was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness. It has come as a shock and a terrible realization of the shortness of life. I can say with some confidence that my personality has been shaped by this man more than any other person except my mother. I love him more than I love almost any other person. He helped teach me to love music. He showed me by example the power of studying your scriptures despite your weaknesses. The steady, unyielding way in which he loves my mom and me and everyone he meets has taught me charity. His acceptance of trials steadied me in the toughness of my youth.

He loves the cool crisp blue of early mornings. When the world is quiet and you feel the spirit of everything and the hope of the day.

I am still in classes for med school. On top of that I take the first step of my medical examinations in three months and am absolutely terrified. My siblings are all in transition this year thanks to their occupations in the US military. My papa has a terminal illness.

Most days I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day. And yet the cool blue mornings are constant. As is the peace of my Savior and the comforting stabilization of the Comforter.

And the day passes and as I fall asleep I am grateful to realize I made it through and it was fine.

Because each of us ultimately are made of the stuff of miracles and we make it through hard things at amazing odds and rates. And so I bathe in the coolness of the blue flooding my apartment and I am grateful for my life and those whom I love and recognize that life is good.

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Thoughts from ME

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