Thoughts from ME

So the holidays are almost over, I'm excited and then not. Christmas went okay but it was a little bit like a grey cloud was over the whole time because Jay will be leaving for Saudi Arabia in a few weeks. Mike Pascoe (Crys' hubby) leaves for Afghanistan in a few months also... :( I return to the 'Burg in a week and I can't wait to start my new classes! This semester is going to be really fun and I can't wait to get started!

Today there is just ten days until Christmas, eight until I see Jay! Yay! We're going to visit the temple and I'm just excited. Anyway! So I am at home. It's cold as usual and all of our cats are enjoying the fact another warm body is here. Maddie is so happy whenever she sees me, but she is like that with everyone so not stock! I have a few more people to buy for and today I get to pick out fabric for my quilt! Saturday (well Sunday morning) Rachel and I finished Hannah's quilt then yesterday we finished Aaron's and started Rachel, I'm going to go work on that here in a little bit. It's so nice being home but I'll be travelling to SLC for Christmas so I will only be here for a week or so :( Ah well... But! I'm here for a week! Yes!~

So I have one test left, than I'm done. Completely. That's it. Stupid Russian test. I'd be done now but done at 4:30 isn't that bad anyway. I've come to a small realization. I want to take singing and dancing and acting classes but I don't want to take them and have them go no where... I told you it was small. Lately I've really fallen in love with the music from Sherie Rene Scott, Adam Pascal, Norbert Leo Butz and Idina Menzel (Who I originally liked but then stopped liking but I like her again. She's original) I'd like it to go somewhere... where, exactly, I don't know. 'Only time will tell...' :)

So I took my guitar final today, if you can even call it that. I did fine. I'm an A student she says. You're very talented she says. You're one of my best students she says. But I had to give you an A- for not practicing enough. Excuse me? I'm your best student? I'm an A student? I don't need the practice but you dock me to an A freaking minus?!?!

7 Things 7 Things That I Can Do: 1. Sing well enough to impress my family...not sure how much that counts but whatever 2. Make people feel good when they don't 3. Talk in my sleep (apparently...ask Rachel) 4. Seriously multitask 5. Touch my toes standing up 6. Whistle while breathing 7. Write 7 Things I Cannot Do: 1. Eat meat that's raw in any way 2. Stand my stepmom 3. Play any sport...only for on more month! ... Hopefully! 4. Stay on task 5. Go a day without reading something non-textbook 6. Make a slamdunk 7. Lie to someone's face 7 Things I Say Often: 1. What? 2. Sorry 3. Framazing! 4. I don't understand what that means. 5. Wait 6. Random... 7. NO! 7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die: 1. Spend a year abroad in France and Russia 2. Serve an LDS mission 3. Get my Masters in English 4. Work for a publishing company 5. Get Married 6. Spoil all of my nieces and nephews 7. Read to children in Africa 7 Things That Attract Me To My Man: When I get one, I'll let you ...

The day has come, it's finally approaching Its close to the day we get to be paaaacking! Classes are ending, the tests start The time to prove foolishly that we are smart Our families are waiting The children eagerly anticipating Presents, and rest, actual sleeeep! New and old family to meet The warmth that family brings, the food listening to music, getting ourselves in the mood Lights and trees and snowmen galore ornaments and tinsel covering the floor I love this time of year The time of cheer The time of love, charity to all men So get it together! time to hasten Because I want to Go! I want to show Santa I've been good and get all that I should! Yay Christmas!

I'm sitting, staring, waiting Trying to make myself move I see a direction to be taking Just wishing I could soothe Those thoughts and feelings that churn my stomach I'm stuck, quicksand dragging me down Unable to move, to shift, to call I'm trying and trying but can make no sound And I'm held unbelievably fast, wishing if not to flee then to fall Away from those thoughts and feelings that churn my stomach And worry my heart and hold my mind in fear Unable to decide, unable to understand I sit, I ponder, I shift, I reverse I call, I cry until finally I stand Then I shift back, fall back, land with a curse Unable to rid myself of those terrifying thoughts and feelings that churn my stomach And worry my heart and hold my mind in fear while I lay and cry, slowly dying of fear I pray, I call, I cry I fear