So I come from divorced parents and one thing that really frightens me about this is the increased likelihood of my own divorce. I asked the 100 Hour Board the following question:
Dear 100 Hour Board,
I looked in the archives and I'm pretty sure this question hasn't been asked before. If it has, I'm sorry and could you point me to it? Okay, so getting to my question. I know that with divorce rates, it is the same outside the Church as it is inside of it, meaning fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. It's also been scientifically proven (somewhere? by someone?) that the likelihood of being divorced is increased if your parents were divorced. Is this true inside the Church as well as outside of it? If you grew up in the church with divorced parents, is it still more likely you will get divorced yourself? I'd like some sources if you can find them.
- An inquisitive child of divorced parents
ADear Child,
Don't fret, your exact question has not been answered on the Board before. Unfortunately, there either hasn't been a study done about the children of divorced parents in the Church, or it wasn't released publicly, or I missed it in my searching. And yet, I have a feeling those statistics wouldn't be very different from the national average.
It is true that divorce rates within the Church are more or less the same as those throughout the nation, although many people argue that people who get married in the temple and are active Latter-day Saints are much less likely to get divorced. Of course, that is probably true for most devout religious people.
It is generally agreed that children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced. I direct you to Medical News Today and the Divorce Reform, both of which explore why children whose parents divorced are more likely to end their own marriages. On the Divorce Reform page they specifically give statistics from studies about children whose parents were religious and got a divorce. The findings show that these children are much less likely to associate with the religion of their parents when they grow up. I imagine this stands true (a) for any child whose parents get divorced when the child is younger, and (b) if the child does not have his or her own personal testimony of the religion.
Obviously how a child will react to his parent's divorce depends a lot on the circumstances of the divorce, and the child's own method of reacting to it. So, a child whose parents divorced will be affected differently from any other child in a similar situation. Some kids will never be able to have a very good relationship because they have serious trust issues, others will do all they can to change their own situation and to make relationships work. While my parents aren't divorced it was definitely something I worried about a lot as a possibility when I was younger, and I promised myself that there were certain things I simply would not do as an adult in relationships or as a parent. I'm certain that there are plenty of children of divorced parents who learn from their parents' mistakes, and I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with religion. It can, and might, but is also strength of will.
Within the LDS Church marriage is highly emphasized, but I think anyone with divorced parents will automatically have a different view of marriage than other members of the Church. It is just inherent in the experiences they have had. In an article published in the Daily Universe in 2009, it was quoted that: "There will be certain marriages that have a 90 percent chance and others that will have only a 10 percent chance of divorce." Like I said before, some children are going to work harder to make relationships work, and others will do the opposite. I really like this quote because it says that the biggest thing is how you treat your marriage, your spouse, family, and live your life. I admit that there will be marriages that simply must end for everyone's sake, but there are also times when a couple has a choice. This is true in the Church and outside of it. Within the Church specifically I think that while many couples feel under pressure, there are many others who will find strength in their faith and sense of community.
So, is it still more likely that you will get divorced yourself? Yes. Statistically, there is no difference. And yet, people make statistics, they make their own lives. I am not a fatalist; I definitely believe we can choose to be different than our circumstances would tell us. We won't end up perfect, but we have some amount of control over how our lives go. If you are worried that you are going to get divorced someday because your parents did, then that is a mindset you need to try and work away from. It is destructive, and does not need to be true.
Finally, I think someone definitely needs to do a real study on this within the LDS Church, or at least within different religious groups. It would be interesting.
-Mico
Thanks Mico! Whoever you are. Unsatisfied, however, with their answer I contacted Dr. Nicholas Wolfinger. A part time faculty member at University of Utah, Dr. Wolfinger has conducted many studies on the cycle of divorce, the statistical truth that children of divorced parents are more likely to be divorced themselves, also called the intergenerational transmission of divorce. I wrote him an e-mail about studies done on divorce rates within LDS children of divorce. If I get anything back from him, I'll let ya'all know.
Dear 100 Hour Board,
I looked in the archives and I'm pretty sure this question hasn't been asked before. If it has, I'm sorry and could you point me to it? Okay, so getting to my question. I know that with divorce rates, it is the same outside the Church as it is inside of it, meaning fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. It's also been scientifically proven (somewhere? by someone?) that the likelihood of being divorced is increased if your parents were divorced. Is this true inside the Church as well as outside of it? If you grew up in the church with divorced parents, is it still more likely you will get divorced yourself? I'd like some sources if you can find them.
- An inquisitive child of divorced parents
ADear Child,
Don't fret, your exact question has not been answered on the Board before. Unfortunately, there either hasn't been a study done about the children of divorced parents in the Church, or it wasn't released publicly, or I missed it in my searching. And yet, I have a feeling those statistics wouldn't be very different from the national average.
It is true that divorce rates within the Church are more or less the same as those throughout the nation, although many people argue that people who get married in the temple and are active Latter-day Saints are much less likely to get divorced. Of course, that is probably true for most devout religious people.
It is generally agreed that children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced. I direct you to Medical News Today and the Divorce Reform, both of which explore why children whose parents divorced are more likely to end their own marriages. On the Divorce Reform page they specifically give statistics from studies about children whose parents were religious and got a divorce. The findings show that these children are much less likely to associate with the religion of their parents when they grow up. I imagine this stands true (a) for any child whose parents get divorced when the child is younger, and (b) if the child does not have his or her own personal testimony of the religion.
Obviously how a child will react to his parent's divorce depends a lot on the circumstances of the divorce, and the child's own method of reacting to it. So, a child whose parents divorced will be affected differently from any other child in a similar situation. Some kids will never be able to have a very good relationship because they have serious trust issues, others will do all they can to change their own situation and to make relationships work. While my parents aren't divorced it was definitely something I worried about a lot as a possibility when I was younger, and I promised myself that there were certain things I simply would not do as an adult in relationships or as a parent. I'm certain that there are plenty of children of divorced parents who learn from their parents' mistakes, and I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with religion. It can, and might, but is also strength of will.
Within the LDS Church marriage is highly emphasized, but I think anyone with divorced parents will automatically have a different view of marriage than other members of the Church. It is just inherent in the experiences they have had. In an article published in the Daily Universe in 2009, it was quoted that: "There will be certain marriages that have a 90 percent chance and others that will have only a 10 percent chance of divorce." Like I said before, some children are going to work harder to make relationships work, and others will do the opposite. I really like this quote because it says that the biggest thing is how you treat your marriage, your spouse, family, and live your life. I admit that there will be marriages that simply must end for everyone's sake, but there are also times when a couple has a choice. This is true in the Church and outside of it. Within the Church specifically I think that while many couples feel under pressure, there are many others who will find strength in their faith and sense of community.
So, is it still more likely that you will get divorced yourself? Yes. Statistically, there is no difference. And yet, people make statistics, they make their own lives. I am not a fatalist; I definitely believe we can choose to be different than our circumstances would tell us. We won't end up perfect, but we have some amount of control over how our lives go. If you are worried that you are going to get divorced someday because your parents did, then that is a mindset you need to try and work away from. It is destructive, and does not need to be true.
Finally, I think someone definitely needs to do a real study on this within the LDS Church, or at least within different religious groups. It would be interesting.
-Mico
Thanks Mico! Whoever you are. Unsatisfied, however, with their answer I contacted Dr. Nicholas Wolfinger. A part time faculty member at University of Utah, Dr. Wolfinger has conducted many studies on the cycle of divorce, the statistical truth that children of divorced parents are more likely to be divorced themselves, also called the intergenerational transmission of divorce. I wrote him an e-mail about studies done on divorce rates within LDS children of divorce. If I get anything back from him, I'll let ya'all know.
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