The Loss Of October

It's October.

It's midterms at medical school.

And I need to focus and study and I do but I'm also distracted. Because it's October. And while I need to be concerned with the anatomy of the arm and the forearm and the hand, as well as neuroanatomy, fertilization and gametogensesis, blood coagulation and cascades of factors, connective tissue, baroreflexes, serotonin, renin, angiotensin, and a million other things I don't know - instead I'm thinking about my brother, David.

Because here's the truth about suicide: it never ends. The effects never go away. The hurt hardly dims. The grief is tangible and still brings me to my knees.

And so I try to love October. Because the air is crisp. And sweaters are my favorite. And pumpkin spice. And hot chocolate. And David. Because if he were here he would be loving October.

Hello October. Hello trying not to fail my midterms (because I have been here before - I failed the midterms that happened the week I found out about David.)

If you are weighed down by life please reach out. Get assistance. Feel the love that is around you. And if you don't feel love, come find me and I will give you all the love I can to fortify yourself against those dark thoughts and feelings and lies.

You are enough and you are loved.

And it's October.

Comments

Unknown said…

Sending all my love to you.

October 5, 2016 at 7:12 PM

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