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Faltering on the Steady Upward Course

[This post is dedicated to missionaries who served in the VRM. "Where there is no vision, the people perish."]

I should never have lost her.

When I came home from my mission it took me what seemed forever to reassemble my life. After I first returned to Utah I felt so lost. I had lost my purpose when I had been released as a missionary. I was struck with how easy it was to return to old, poorer habits. I remember talking one day on the phone to my grandma and saying how I felt that God and the Spirit were so far from me. She boldly and lovingly chastised me by saying, "Melissa, God has not pulled away from you. It is you who have pulled away from him."

I began analyzing my choices. Trying to make better ones. Reteaching myself what I had spent eighteen months teaching  - the reality of the atonement of Christ. This included the redemptive power (which I really needed a lot at that time) and the enabling power (which I needed to apply with equal fervor.)

It wasn't until I was called into service at my local ward and had additional experiences in California on an internship, and even more recently this summer, that I have finally uncovered the woman I was on my mission. I should never have lost her, but somehow I had. However, with the enabling power that comes from Christ I found her again. And I am so grateful and humbled.

Elder David A. Bednar gave a devotional address at BYU in the fall of 2001. He quoted President David O. McKay who said:
"The purpose of the gospel is to make bad men good and good men better, and to change human nature."
Elder Bednar talks a lot in this address about grace. He teaches us that grace in the scriptures is often used to mean the enabling power of Christ. In fact, we can replace the word "grace" when seen in the scriptures and insert "enabling power."

I know that as we come to understand the blessing of strength and help that the Savior can give us, we can find our better selves. Perhaps for some of us this is a person we were once, or it is someone we haven't found yet. Whatever the case may be, Christ can lead you there.

In an early address given by the new president at BYU-Idaho, President Gilbert and his wife shared this painting



It is the Calling of St. Matthew by Caravaggio. Christ is on the right in the dark but emitting light. While many people believe the man pointing to himself is Matthew, President Gilbert believes it to be the man "looking down at his hands and his money. It's almost as if he is taking one last look at his past before he rises up to take the outstretched hand of the Savior calling him." Sister Gilbert continues their address, teaching that Matthew had first to look up to accept the call and then let go. "He had to let go of the things that were holding him back. For Matthew, that was not just his money but his career and a life invested in a different path. For others, this might be a fear of failure, sacrificing personal pride, leaving behind a bad habit, or even forgiving an offense." She continues that we then must seek for the enabling power from the Lord and recognize when change and power come that it came from the Lord.

A powerful message that means more to me because I have so recently applied those lessons to my life and the difference I see in myself and feel in my spirit.

God knows we make mistakes. He never intended for those mistakes to keep us from Him. Make the necessary changes and return to Him.

I write especially for returned missionaries who served with me in the VRM. Remember what Elder Holland taught? You said forever.




*Elder Bednar's address
**President and Sister Gilbert's "Rise to the Call"
***Elder Holland's moving talk about promising forever








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